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Does it work? I think I need some. I have this lovely guy who wants to spend time with me and treats me well and I just can’t make myself like him like he likes me. All I think about is the guy who found it perfectly easy to just delete me from his life. There must be something wrong with me right?!

I also think I send myself into self-destruction when good things happen to me, even small things like when I’m going far into a poker tourney and doing really well I somehow have to screw it up for myself! Though saying that I did win a 600+ runner NL hilo (which is not easy to play!) tourney the other day. Lately I have been making so many things happen for myself and I’m definitely heading in the right direction but then I stop and think and end up asking myself what is it all for? What’s the point in life when I can’t share it and spend it with the people I want to. I do the things I want for myself but I just don’t feel like it’s enough. I feel like I’m waffling. Surprisingly I haven’t been drinking. I am actually detoxing until I’m Stateside where I shall be sitting by a pool in L.A. sipping champagne, living the life….alone. Alone is how I feel a lot of the time. I appreciate everything and everyone I have around me but I know there’s someone or something missing and it frustrates me so much.

Rant over.

Me in my sailor fancy dress. The person taking the picture was obviously as drunk as me! My mate in the background is failing to light fireworks in a pumpkin. Twas a bloody good night!! Yet I would still rather have been somewhere else, somewhere I will forever only be able to visit in my dreams.

Happy Fireworks Night! I got a great deal on sparklers at work and I loved swirling those pretty fire sticks around 😀


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